Haisla's Adventures in Endoland

Let me preface this post by saying that I am really, really excited that we have finally reached the stage of accessing some fertility treatments. However, since our last IUI in Feb-March I have grown increasingly concerned with regard to climid. Perhaps this is all just unwarranted anxiety, perhaps not, but I thought if I shared my concerns here, perhaps I could gain a bit of perspective.. So here goes: four reasons why I'm not so sure about clomid:

1) I've experinced some of the worst period bleed since my first clomid cycle in Feb-March. The period directly following the clomid cycle was a walk in the park, but this latest one - oh me gosh, a veritable blood fest. I was literally bleeding through pads in 30 mins and clotting like there was no tomorrow. Which follows directly into point..

2) Is my endo coming back with a vengeance, thanks to clomid? I've read somewhere (I think even the clomid leaflet attests to this) that clomid is not recommended for those with endo. I may be wrong and hope I am, but can't stop wondering whether all this faffing about with clomid might be decreasing my chances of a succesful IVF (whenever we reach that elusive point in time). Also my endo pains and accompanying symptoms (IBS) seem to have worsen somewhat since.

3) My Mum died of ovarian cancer three years ago at the age of 63. Whilst I know it doesn't automatically mean that I have inherited that gene from her (and in fact I'm pretty sure she went through genetic testing, which came back negative) I also am not super keen on putting myself on meds that increase the likelihood of ovarian cancer occurring later on in my life. If I do manage to get pregnant through these treatments, I would like to be able to see my children grow up. Obviously I don't know whether IVF treatments / meds will have any lesser likelihood of causing ovarian cancer than clomid. But at least IVF has greater likelihood of getting me pregnant and therefore I'd rather skip straight to that (if NHS agrees with me, which I unfortunately doubt) than expose myself to more clomid cycles if I can help it..

4) I got the funny fluttering effects in my peripheral vision when on clomid and when I had my latest eye test (a couple of weeks ago), a concerned optician had to do some extra check-ups to ensure that all was well with my eyes.. Stupidly I didn't think of the connection whilst at the optician's consultation, but only afterwards and answered 'no' to when he asked whether I'd experienced any double vision or other unusual eye symptoms. When I then re-read the pamhlet that came with the clomid package, it says to "stop taking clomid and see a doctor straight away if you notice any of the following serious side effects [...] blurring of vision or spots or flashes in front of the eyes. These symptoms usually get better but in some cases they may be permanent. Your doctor may send you for an eye examination." How did I miss that!!?? I am now almost convinced (in a hypochondriac sort of way) that I have permanently damaged my eyes!!

So because of these concerns I will try to ring Nurse Nelly (I promise you that is not hear real name, hut the best rendition I could think of) and share my worries. I'm sure they'll say it's all okay and make me go through IUI #2 which I am crazily still quite looking forward to, cause that's just how contrary I am these days..

And to anyone who may now be concerned about their clomid use, please know that these are deeply personal worries and linked both to my diagnosis, experiences and personal history. So I hope I haven't put anyone off, since I am aware that clomid can be super helpful for some people and has led to numerous pregnancies. I'm just not sure it's the drug for me.