.. and they look something like this:
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| Taken on Sat 11dp5dt |
Yep.. it's a bit of a squinter, but undeniably there (it's much more obvious in real life than in the photo). So my first response was utter joy - my first ever positive pregnancy test, ever!!! I showed it to M, who was over the moon.
The lightness of the second line left me feeling a bit concerned though, considering how long it's been since the transfer. It was one of those crappy freebie pee sticks that clinic provides, though, so I am partially putting it down to that. Needless to say, I spent a large amount of time yesterday visiting all sorts of shady corners of the Internet that no-one in their right mind after a faint 'BFP' should visit.. The only result was that I convinced myself that it was probably some kind of a chemical pregnancy or at least unviable in some shape or form.
I did feel a bit better when I peed on a stick again this morning and got this:
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| Sunday 12dp5dt |
...which seems a bit more unequivocal in its pronouncement and set my mind at greater ease.
Of course I'm terribly aware that we're not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination yet (well, by about eight and a bit months really). It still feels incredibly unreal that somehow I have managed to get pregnant.
However far this pregnancy will progress (till birth is what I hope), I will always be grateful that we managed to get pregnant at all!! That is not something to be taken for granted. After three and a half years of 'nada' I was kind of starting to wonder. Whichever way this will pan out, I now have some hope that I am not dreaming of completely impossible things.
It's a weird place to be. I am absolutely ecstatic and yet at the same time almost paralysed by fear. I now understand what people mean when they say that a positive pregnancy test is just the start of the hurdles race that makes up a full-term pregnancy. I dare not dream yet. I dare not imagine the baby or look up the due date or do any of the other stuff that blissfully ignorant 'normal' people might do.
I am trying my hardest to be happy and grateful for what I have today. I can't by worrying change the outcome of this pregnancy. It will be what it'll be. But today I can choose to be happy.
10 comments:
I've been waiting for this! Congratulations!!!!
Haisla! I was just wondering how you were doing! Congrats on the tests!! You are pregnant, and that is wonderful and exciting! Revel in it for now, with all the required caution for us IF folk. When is your beta? Also - IVF embryos are often a bit slow starting, so don't go down too many rabbit holes about darkness of tests, etc. Try try to step away and just see what happens next! I'm excited for you, lady, I am thrilled to bits!
Thanks, luv!! Most NHS clinics actually don't do betas as a matter of course. When my clinic rings back (I left a message on Saturday) I may express my concerns about the lightness of the line and see if I can squeeze a blood test (or two) out of them due to my fear of ectopic or something.. It's worth a try. Another option would be to go private, but I'm not sure how quickly I could get an appointment that way..xx
Thanks so much!!!x
Such wonderful news - congratulations!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a happy & healthy nine months!
BAH! This is wonderful, wonderful stuff! You're absolutely right to focus on being grateful for what you have today. Everything you've been through to this point isn't erased with a positive pregnancy test, so honor and celebrate where you're at.
Huge Congratulations Haisla! Am so happy for you. I can understand what's going on in your brain, but like you said, choose to be happy now. That's supposed to be healthier for the baby too, so that's the bonus :)
I was with NHS for a short while and I thought your normal surgery would be able to do your Beta, no? My clinic here in Sydney is a no frills one, so had my betas done by my local GP too.
Thanks! for your encouraging words Trying to get a GP appointment in a timely manner is nigh on impossible and I chickened out with asking my clinic (didn't want to come across as an overly anxious looney), so went private and got the beta done on Wednesday.xx
Thanks! Taking one day at a time turns out to be harder than I thought. I am trying to repeat it as my mantra now.xx
Thank you!! I'm crossing everything too.xx
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