Tumbling Through the Rabbit Hole...
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A week of job interviews, IUIs and other supplementary drama

Posted by Haisla Saturday, 10 May 2014

A warning: the following is another mammoth post after my long radio silence. I went down with a cold on Saturday and really didn't have the energy or inclination to update my blog during the week..

The cold kind of botched up my plans. Instead of getting stuff ready for the week ahead, I just ended up having to rest and recouperate. I was probably the only person spending the lovely, sunny Bank Holiday weekend indoors, grrr.. All my work colleagues were nice and tanned, whereas I was pale and pasty and with huge dark circles. Let me be the cautionary tale; this is what stress does to your system..

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

I had the interview on Thursday and had more or less managed to kick the cold to the kerb by then and therefore be at least semi-coherent in my answers. The interview went fairly well untill the very end when I mentioned my 3 month notice period. The interview panellists' jaws dropped. They were looking for someone to start in mid-May. Had they not read my application!!?? I had quite clearly stated the terms of my current contract and had assumed that the 3 month notice period had not been a problem - surely otherwise they wouldn't have invited me for an interview!? I was pretty miffed. Part of me thinks 'what a waste time', the more mature part of me can see that it was good practice for any future interviews. I was just so not used to being on that side of the panel. Oh, the nerves!

What also became crystal clear during the interview was that I did not like the manager of that department. She didn't come across as a particularly warm or compassionate person. I'm fairly sure she wouldn't have been very impressed had I gotten the job and then had to tell her about our IVF plans and the time off required.. And to work under someone like that - no thanks. Work is often stressful enough without adding a non-supportive line-manager into the mix.

So all in all, as good as the job sounded on paper, I'm now fairly positive that it wasn't meant to be. And that's what I was really praying for - real clarity about whether this was the right step for me to take or not. Which is not to say that I wasn't utterly depressed after the interview, but somehow a good night's sleep and conversations with friends have helped me to recover and I actually feel quite chipper again.

So, my job situation remains the same. What I do know, that if I am to stay in this job, I will have to do something about our current workload, as it is just not manageable. I'm thinking of instigating a service review to assess what we are currently doing and what changes we'll need to make to ensure the sustainability of the project. And I'll keep an eye out for other opportunities whilst I'm at it. All I know is, that something's got to give, whether it's radically overhauling this job or finding another less stressful one.

Since this past week wasn't nearly stressful enough with all of the above going on, I also had my scan for IUI#2 on Wednesday.

It turned out that I'd responded really rapidly to Clomid again and had one large (18mm) lead follicle on the right ovary and two smaller ones (11mm) on the left, which meant trigger shot at home on Weds night (oh, the joy!) and the actual IUI on Friday on CD10. (Did this give my poor uterine lining enough time to plump up nicely - who knows! The doc didn't seem particularly concerned).

I was a bit panicky about the trigger shot on Weds night, but luckily my worries about the upcoming job interview far out shadowed any needle phobias. It was a job that just had to be done. M. was a real champ and did the actual injecting. I did worry about mixing all the powers and liquids, as it had been three months since I'd been shown how to do it and M. hadn't been present at the 'training'. He is so much better at retaining that kind of crucial information, but by following the written instructions, we did alright in the end.

The most difficult job was cracking open those vials! Man, what's with them vials?!. M. managed to smash two of the tops into smithereens  in his attempts to open them and I was convinced that I would somehow get powdered glass into my bloodstream and die a horrible and bloody death. Since I'm still alive and kicking, I'm fairly certain that that didn't happen.

Anyway, we ended up watching a tutorial on how to open them bloody vials. It took us all in all approx. 20 minutes to do the opening and mixing bit and then approx. 2 mins to do the actual injecting.

M. was a real pro. Very steady handed and calm. It hardly hurt. The most uncomfortable bit was when the liquid actually went in - it just stung a little. Otherwise, no problems. The following day my bum was a bit sore, but that was all.

I really hope M. will be around should I need to do any further injections (can you sense how little hope I have for this IUI cycle, oh ever the pessimist, I am) as I'm not sure whether I'll be able to face the needles by myself..

IUI#2 in itself was fairly uneventful. In fact, I would say that cramping-wise it was far less painful than the last time, and I would like to think that this is due to my new regime of evening primrose oil supplementation. I'm hoping that this means that I have finally managed to balance my prostaglandin production, so that the bad ones are no longer overpowering the good ones and causing all sorts of unnecessary inflammation and cramping. Surely that's got to be good for baby-making?

I'll also need to get my stress levels under control and boost my system overall. The more I read about how stress affects our cortisol levels, adrenal gland function and as a result hormone levels, the more convinced I'm becoming that this is a big issue that I'll need to tackle next. I know I am stress-prone and am also the only person who has the power to change that. To that end, I have now purchased a few relaxation meditation downloads and my plan is to try to use them daily. I found one with 5-, 10-, 15- and 30-minute meditations, so that I can choose one according to how much time I've got each day. I'll also need to look at my sleep patterns and ensure I get enough snooze every night. Not to mention regular, gentle exercise.

Heh, I sound like someone making new year's resolutions (which I personally am notoriously bad a t keeping), but it's nice to have a plan, and a bit of a sense of control over this 'overcoming infertility project'.

So that's that, really.

If this cycle is unsuccessful, AF should rear its ugly head roundabout CD22 (or 21/05/14 as per normal people's calendars) or CD24 (23/05/14) latest, after which I'll POAS if AF has not shown.


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